Master of Unemployment Arts
A superhero of unemployment with extraordinary abilities in sleeping until noon, Netflix marathons, and mastering the art of doing absolutely nothing productive.
Currently working as a Full-Time Unemployed at Mom's House, specializing in advanced procrastination techniques.
Every unemployed superhero has unique abilities. These are my skills perfected over months of professional unemployment.
Ability to sleep 12+ hours straight and still feel tired
Can watch entire seasons without breaks, even forget to eat
Supernatural ability to order delivery food anytime
Play games for days without losing focus or skill
Endless scrolling on all social media platforms
Make money disappear faster than any magician
Complete record of my battles against employment, productivity, and adult responsibilities.
Sent 200+ job applications into the void, all disappeared without a trace. Currently investigating this supernatural phenomenon.
Mission Impact:
0 responses, 100% rejection rate, infinite sadness
Faced the Interview Monster multiple times, each battle ended with awkward silence and promises of 'we'll call you back'.
Mission Impact:
5 interviews, 0 job offers, maximum embarrassment
Tried to defeat loneliness by sending connection requests to random people, hoping someone would offer a job.
Mission Impact:
500+ connections, 0 job leads, questionable reputation
Started 47 online courses to improve skills but never finished any because the Procrastination Demon was too strong.
Mission Impact:
0% course completion, 100% guilt accumulation
Chased the illusion of easy freelance money, only to meet clients who want premium work for peanut prices.
Mission Impact:
$10 earned, 50 hours wasted, self-worth destroyed
Ongoing battle to maintain mom's patience while living rent-free and contributing nothing to society.
Mission Impact:
Maximum relationship strain, imminent eviction threat